Oct. 08, 2008 -- First off, I know most people pay attention to the money list during this time of the PGA Tour season. But seeing as how the value of U.S. currency is currently falling faster than Foster Brooks on a unicycle, it might be better to focus on the names than the numbers.

For example, did you know that Sunday's winner of the Turning Stone Resort Championship, Dustin Johnson, is the second player named "Johnson" to win a PGA Tour event this season but the first named Dustin in Tour history? (Source: a 15-second moonwalk through my memory bank.)

The name game is one of the sports of choice around the Golf Channel compound out on Tour each week. Everyone's still waiting for the Brian Gay, Dicky Pride, and Glen Day grouping to come out. (So to speak.)

Pride's also a member of the Seven Deadly Sins threesome, which includes Champions Tour player/commentator Mark Lye and the Nationwide Tour's Brendan Steele.

Excessive drinking isn't technically one of the Big Seven, but if you watch the Champions Tour regularly, you could well find a Barr (Dave) with a Ginn (Stewart) and Koch (Gary). You might also need to get a life. Or at least a sandwich, in which case you can try the Hammond-Cheesman (Donnie-Barry) off the Nationwide Tour menu, sandwiched together with a well-aged Green (Hubert)-Bean (Andy) casserole.

If you're a glutton for punishment, the Nationwide Tour offers forgiveness in the ecumenical trinity of Darren Angel, Jeremy Pope, and Gary Christian. The PGA Tour could deliver a handful of Gospel-filled foursomes, featuring Matts (Kuchar, Jones, Goggin), Marks (O'Meara, Wilson) a Luke (Donald) and some Johns (Senden, Rollins, Mallinger, Port-O). If you're patient, you may one day see the revival of the old JC Penney mixed team event with Old Testament tandems like Jobe (Brandt)-Daniel (Beth) and I and II Kings (Arnold Palmer, Betsy).

The Tour's royal family also includes the (Doug) Barron-(Ken) Duke duo. The following group, though not necessarily in this order, could be subjects within the kingdom -- file 'em under "craftsmen" -- Poulter-Glover-Taylor. Perhaps the last of those could make alterations to other groups, including (Wayne) Levi's, which tees off at 5:01 and is filled out by -- what else? -- a pair of Genes, Sauers and Littler. (By the way, I'm fully aware Wayne pronounces his last name "levee." Work with me here.)

Littler's group naturally follows the tiny twosome of Small (Mike) and Wi (Charlie). If you want more variety, try the trio of Short (Wes, Jr.), Mediate (Rocco), and Langer (Bernhard). (Side note: am I the only one who finds it somewhat poetically appropriate that Wes Short is a "Junior?" Of course I am. Moving on.)

There does seem to be something poetic, if not painful, in the group of Love-Burns-Baddeley. It's the kind of verse you might find if you signed up for the pairing of Reid-Ridings. But you couldn't read or write before you learned your ABCs with significant contributions from the threesome of Kaye (Jonathan), Oh (James, Nationwide Tour winner), and Els (Ernie). Or would the last of those make it a foursome?

It would take a foursome to accommodate the fowlest creatures on Tour: Jonathan Byrd and his wingmen Ben Crane, Tim Herron, and Retief Goosen.

We should probably put this group on the opposite side of the course from Tripp Isenhour, who in this election year ought to be paired with another Presidential namesake, Nationwide Tour running mate Andrew Johnson. They'd go off just ahead of the Democratic tee time that put the "no" in November, Gore (Jason)-McGovern (Jim)-Carter (Jim). (Carter would have the honor because he went 1-for-2. Plus both names are a match.)

Other groups we'd vote for include:

The meteorological -- Frost-Fehr-Hayes (David-Rick-J.P.)

The domestic -- Cink-Couch (Stewart-Chris)

The scenic -- Woods-Park-Brooks (Tiger-Jin-Mark)

The transportational -- Walker-Ferrie (Jimmy-Kenneth)

The colorful -- Browne-Black-Allred (Olin-Ronnie-Jason)

The chronological -- Daly-Weekley-May (John-Boo-Bob)

(pausing to snicker at the sound of saying John-Boo-Bob several times fast)

The North American -- Austin-Huston-Kanada (Woody-John-Craig)

The familial -- Couples-Pappas-Triplett (Fred-Brenden-Kirk)

The supermarketable -- Price-Cejka (Nick-Alex)

The fictionally-judgmental/amphibious -- Stadler-Waldorf-Kermit (Craig-Duffy-Zarley)

And the anatomical -- Flesch-Bohn-Hart (Steve-Jason-Dudley)

Now you may think this entire column is like the pairing of Ted and Curtis: Purdy-Strange. Or worse. But with Christmas around the corner, be careful what you put in the old Grant Me This e-mailbag. If it's too naughty, you might just find your stocking stuffed with big lumps of the 12:25 tee time:

North-Pohl-Coles.